“He had managed to hold me down and sexually assaulted me and walked off.I sat there crying and wondering ‘why?”. -Domestic violence survivor Elenka.
Elenka hopes her children will one day leave behind the scars of their father’s violence ♥️
He made me laugh…
I finally had left my four kids’ alcoholic dad.
I had started to set up a good life and home for myself and kids. My youngest kids (twins) were six years old and at school i had a full time job working 7am – 6pm. We could finally afford things I even had $10,000 saved to buy a house.
We were near happy.
I had been at work for about a year and a new worker had started, He wasn’t good-looking but we worked next to each other and was constantly joking and playing tricks on each other.
I think because he made me laugh I was drawn to him. He started visiting after work and popping in on weekends. We were building a (so i thought) relationship/friendship. We held regular drinks and bbqs at my house, inviting his mates and our work mates.
He was drinking his life, and our money, away…
He stayed over a few nights then moved in, at the start I had an issue about him paying his way and to help pay for his food and rent .He always had to a have a rum tally or two or three or more every arvo. I let that go as i thought well he works not hard but he works. When he was broke i would pay for his drinks. Sometimes he even asked the kids for their pocket money. He would say he would pay it back but never did.I never drank. To be honest I hated alcohol due to the kids’ dad. I remember one day he said ‘”he wanted kids pretty soon.
If I wasn’t going to have his kids he would find some bitch who would”. I wasn’t interested as mine had finally grown up and I had started to get a life. Anyway He would have a drink at work during lunch as the boss didn’t care and most of the guys drank at work anyway. At home and whenever we went away he would always have a carton of rum – it got to the point his drinking was getting to my kids and myself. I had to pay for his car repayments his rates on his house he and his brother owned even though he never liked to take me up there and everything else. I went Broke I even had to take out a credit card to survive.
He started calling me ‘the cunt’…
The kids and I had motorbikes but he never liked us riding them so I ended up selling them (my pride). About two months later he brought a bike. By now we had started arguing a bit more about things in general and I was given the new name of ‘the cunt’. He would tell my kids to shut their fucking mouth and call me this a lot. I wasn’t allowed out as if I did go out I was “sleeping around” and called a slut He never liked my friends as they were all “junkies in his eyes” (they never did drugs). He would go out with his mates while I stayed home.
A new life among the chaos…
I fell pregnant with his child and I wasn’t allowed to eat chocolate and other food as I had to eat what he wanted me to eat and was told that “the baby had better be a boy” to carry on his name and he would name it. I had no say. I had a girl but he wasn’t interested in naming her or anything.
We separated but he did not let me go…
I was never included in anything let alone talked to like a person but every problem was my fault. After lots of yelling matches and arguing he moved back to his place but would show up at my house whenever he pleased and just walk in. He would walk around my house at all hours of the night checking that it was only the kids and me at home and that I had no one else there.
After being a part for six months I went out to a pub with some friends. I was not drinking, just more to get out the house and try and be a bit more happier. We were out celebrating Australia day. He had seen me out and abused me in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed.That arvo after that he came over again and had a go at a male friend (he was married) who had visited me then left,I was fuming.
I walked over to his friends house where he was. I wanted to bash him hurt him, just like he had hurt me He had been drinking and told me to stop being grumpy and acting like a slut all the time. He said “maybe you like acting like a slut and he’ll treat me like one”.
He raped me, then left without a word…
He was grabbing me and trying to dry hump me. I kept pulling away and asking him “why?” and “how could he treat me like this?”. All he could say was I “needed a root and he would fuck me like sluts get fucked”. I argued and tried to reason with him as I managed to get away. I started walking back home. He had managed to hold me down and sexually assaulted me and walked off.
I sat there crying and wondering “why?”, “how could he treat me like this?”, “why was I getting treated like that?”, “what’s wrong with me?”, “was I a slut?, “a cunt?”. The next day I was sore and in pain I told a female friend who rang the police. They took me to the hospital and took him away. He got 18 months jail!
He stole everything I held dear…
During my time with him I got bruises, my kids were verbally and emotionally abused, I received a broken arm my, kids and my property and belongings got broken, I brought another child into this world , I lost my self-esteem, respect and friends. I have lost my father who passed away due to the stress of this. My kids and I have had to leave our home town and my kids are traumatised from what had happened. It’s been three years and I still hurt.
I have good days and bad days. My kids are still hurting and my son thinks its normal to hurt his mother and siblings. My family is that traumatised that it is slowly falling apart as they fret for their home town and friends.I don’t go out as I feel scared and paranoid. I hate males and feel lost.
All I want is to be safe and happy…
All I want in life is to be how we were before him. To be happy and safe together as a family. I would love to have a man who will love me and hurt not me or my kids, but to teach my kids that there are good men out there who don’t do this. I love my kids to bits and would hate for them to go through this. I guess time heals. ♥️
If you are in domestic violence crisis help is available from the Australia-wide telephone hotline 1800RESPECT. If you want to take part in the “Why I Stayed” project click here ♥️♥️♥️
Photograph by Sherele Moody © 2016.